So in case you’ve (a) been under a rock and (b) have difficulty recognizing sarcasm, that headline is sarcastic. The Oracle-Sun merger is, in fact, not going well. Let’s review all the ways it didn’t go well this week! The sticking point is MySQL, which is no doubt extra frustrating to folks who mainly care about the health of Java. MySQL creator Monty Widenius, who parted company with Sun in February of this year, had initially seemed to take a sort of standoffish, we-can-always-fork-it attitude about the takeover, but now he’s come out against it. Also against it: the dangerous hippie double team of Ralph Nader (because of fears that Oracle will hobble MySQL) and Richard Stallman (for the same reasons, plus brain-hurtingly complicated things about the various versions of the GPL). Oracle, apparently finally figuring out that it needs to do some damage control, sent company president Safra Katz to Europe to make nice with EU Competition Commissioner “Steelie” Neelie Kroes. Kroes was in no mood, and, according to her spokesperson, “expressed her disappointment that Oracle failed to produce, despite repeated requests, either hard evidence that there were no competition problems or a proposal for a remedy to the competition concerns identified by the commission.” As to who is behind all this (because yes, there’s always someone behind things, don’t you know), opinions differ! The juiciest rumors: Groklaw’s PJ hints darkly at Microsoft’s involvement, while Maureen O’Gara thinks a crooked IBM exec might be involved. (PJ and O’Gara were on opposing sides in the long-running SCO-Linux drama, accusing each other of secretly shilling for IBM and Microsoft, respectively, so this is hilariously apt.)Much fun as it is to sit back with some popcorn and enjoy the craziness, there are of course real consequences as the uncertainty drags on. Sun announced that it would be laying off another 3,000 workers — 10 percent of its workforce. At this rate, will there be anything left of Sun for Oracle to buy? Technology Industry