R u mdrn? How to lure hipster hackers

Are you keeping up with the JonesCos? Everyone is doing it — and so should you.

Sometimes it’s about fashion, sometimes it’s just because, sometimes it’s about keeping or recruiting top talent, and sometimes it’s about competitiveness. To be hip, what should you have in your stack? What shouldn’t you? Behold the shining path:

1. Hadoop

This is your data warehouse, but for god’s sake, don’t say “data warehouse.” All of your reporting is moving here, including your archival audit logs and even many of your diagnostic logs. There is a plan or process in place to create a larger “data lake” or “enterprise data hub” for analyzing data across departments.

2. MongoDB

This is your operational data store. Since most of your applications are Web and mobile apps, JSON is their native language, and it’s MongoDB’s default format for storing documents.

3. JavaScript front ends

Objective-C is for suckers, and JSP is for old men who never really learned to code. If you’re not using Ember.js, AngularJS, and/or Backbone.js, then your website is partying like it’s 1999. AJAX isn’t a thing anymore, it’s an assumption. The network really is the computer, the browser really is the operating system, and while both the companies that used those slogans are long gone, the vision was realized. Moreover, the next step is one codebase for your mobile devices. Stuff like Appcelerator Titanium let you do this today while you wait to be able to do pure HTML5 (you’re in line to get Famo.us, right?). Therein lies the possibility to reuse code from your Web app in your native mobile app.

4. Node.js

Your Web apps should be looking to unify their codebase: JavaScript front end to JavaScript middle tier to JavaScript-oriented database (the last is BSON, but whatever). More than that, you’re heading toward a reactive, event-driven architecture. Nonblocking IO is a given for highly scalable applications.

5. Apps for that

If anyone in your company has a BlackBerry, you are not modern. There is Android, and there is iOS and nothing else, and your company needs to support that big time. At the very least, all of your websites should have a mobile screen profile, properly detect tablets (and not force tablets to mobile profile), and enable people to do their job when they are on the run. This means the CRM system, the documents, the bug tracker, and everything in between must be mobile-enabled. The “you have to install this Cisco VPN nonsense that only works on Windows” is for the old and decrepit. I’d rather suffer Heartbleed than slow my computer to a crawl … or run Windows.

How to be retro-over

You want to scare away smart prospective employees? Then cling to these legacy technologies. In truth, I am tired of hipsters and would like them to go away, but unfortunately I need to hire the smart ones. Like me, you should get rid of this stuff.

1. Exchange

If you run Exchange (or god forbid, Lotus Notes), then your employees probably don’t like their jobs and you’re probably not attracting people with a lot of options, unless you’re paying top dollar and they’re sticking it out strictly for the money. Hosted Gmail is all the rage — with the added benefit of being automatically backed up by the NSA. Oh well, email was never secure anyhow.

2. MVC-2

If everything is Post-Process-ReRender, then your users probably don’t like you. They expect AJAX-y Google-like experiences for everything they do.

3. Microsoft Office

Installing stuff is so passe. Sure, Microsoft is reaching out to iOS and Android, but I’ve been reading and making minor edits to articles for a long time. I edit on three devices, and I do so thoughtlessly without effort and without syncing.

4. PL/SQL

If your apps are mostly PL/SQL with a light sprinkling of Java, no one likes working on them. Everything is waiting for the data team and every change is painful.

5. Triggers

Never use triggers. Please. Just. Stop.

Look, folks, it’s the tech industry — you need to have an eye on the future and embrace what passes for progress! If you still think Ruby on Rails is cutting edge, you’re in for a sad awakening. If you really don’t have to keep up with the JonesCos, there is always CobolScript.

This article, “R u mdrn? How to lure hipster hackers,” was originally published at InfoWorld.com.