Bill, bills, and billionaires

The news is bursting with stories about rich geeks giving away their money, from BMW (Bill, Melinda, Warren) to Larry Ellison. But do I see any of it? Nooooo. How about funding a retirement home for cranky journalists with a penchant for puns? Don’t you think Sir Bill would pay to see me retire?

Weapons of mass Dellstruction: Dell reorganized its Americas division last month, playing musical chairs with top management and pumping Viagra into its flagging server and storage support offerings. Apparently the reorg has nothing to do with the laptop that spontaneously burst into flames, although Dell’s asbestos underwear advisory is still in effect.

Larry, Larry quite contrary: Oracle chief Larry Ellison reneged on his $115 million pledge to build an Ellison Institute for World Health at Harvard, saying his agreement was with then-Harvard prez Larry Summers, not with the university. Because Summers flew the coop, Ellison says he’s off the hook. Apparently it was strictly an L2L (Larry-to-Larry) exchange. However, the $16 billion man is forking over $100 mil to the Ellison Medical Foundation to settle a shareholder lawsuit. I understand the foundation has devoted itself to finding a cure for death — Ellison’s, at least.

And the password is … nimrod: The Federal Trade Commission has lost two laptops containing the Social Security numbers and other sensitive data for 110 people it had been investigating, it was embarrassed to report. The FTC says the laptops were stolen out of a locked car and were password-protected. The agency immediately reported itself to itself, and threatened to give itself a right good spanking if it didn’t shape up.

Certified or certifiable? Microsoft Certified Professional Magazine Online is offering advice on how to deal with Microsoft haters, which boils down to “convince them that they’re wrong.” Actually, Redmond should be celebrating that 5.5 billion people out there don’t hate Microsoft — the ones who have yet to touch a Windows PC. I’m sure they’ll get there eventually.

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