Snakes on a database

I’m not above cheap tricks or tawdry pop-culture references to draw attention to an important story, like our review of DB2 9.1, aka “Viper.” This just-released update to IBM’s database takes a radical, groundbreaking approach to native XML data storage.

Meanwhile, there’s another debut this week: Snakes on a Plane (SoaP), a movie whose Net-generated buzz has plunged filmgoers into a giddy froth. Now, what does a B movie have to do with an enterprise-class database? Not much. But I intend to ride this flimsy pretext as far as it will go. Herewith, the 10 things that DB2 9.1 and SoaP have in common:

* The widely publicized code name for DB2 was “Viper.” The widely publicized code name for SoaP was “Snakes on a Plane.” Remarkably, the name stuck.

* SoaP is headed up by Samuel L. Jackson. IBM is headed up by CEO Samuel J. Palmisano.

* It took five years to craft the technology at the core of DB2. It took five seconds to cook up the plot of SoaP.

* DB2 supports SQL; SoaP has support for a sequel (according to rumors).

* Snakes (on a plane, or anywhere else, for that matter) eat bugs. DB2 beta testers squashed many bugs.

* According to Jackson, SoaP “might be the best movie ever made.” According to IBM, DB2 9.1 might offer “the most significant database technology enhancements in over two decades.”

* IBM’s hype machine is in full gear, touting DB2’s “hybrid” engine. New Line Cinema’s hype machine is in full gear, touting SoaP’s blogosphere appeal.

* SoaP will never actually be seen on a plane. Neither will Viper.

* DB2 can access a wide variety of data types. SoaP boasts a wide variety of snake species.

* End-users are unlikely to see immediate benefits from DB2’s pureXML engine. Moviegoers are unlikely to see immediate benefits from SoaP.