Singing for my supper

Last week Irish rocker Bono joined Silicon Valley’s Elevation Partners — a VC firm, not Viagra spammers. Although allegedly recruited to help EP identify new entertainment ventures, rumor has it Bono was really hired to sing with the VC’s garage band. Makes me wish I’d stuck with the ukulele a little longer. It could’ve been me out there making megabucks, promoting worthy causes, and swearing like a sailor on live TV.  

Yahoo Goes Negative: Competition from Gmail seems to be taking a toll on Yahoo. Last week Yahoo Mail tried to tell paid subscribers their storage limit had been upgraded to 2GB; instead, it sent at least some messages warning users they’d exceeded their storage allotments of -2GB. A company spokesmodel says the botched e-mail reached only “a fraction of a percent” of Yahoo Mail’s many millions (although perhaps 10,000 U.K. subscribers got the message, according to The Register); she says users “are very happy” with the extra storage. I’d be happy to give back 2GB, as long as Yahoo takes the parts with all the spam on it.

Wide Loads: Apparently a $56 billion cash reserve doesn’t go as far as it used to. The mom of a Microsoft employee tells me the plus-size software behemoth is closing cafeterias on its Redmond campus to cut costs. Then again, it might just be trying to cut calories; she says she’s noticed a sizable increase in Microsoft’s “ABW (average butt width).”

Got Benefits?: In related news, Sun Microsystems is cutting back on bennies for breast-feeding moms. Sun will no longer offer 24-hour support or hardware subsidies for lactating employees. I’m not going near that one; I already get enough grief for milking jokes.

Ogre and Out: It’s barely more than a whisper wafting through the halls of Castle Cringe, but if Oracle wins its legal dispute with the DoJ (a big if), some speculate Sir Bill could ride in with a friendlier offer and save PeopleSoft from the evil Lord Ellison. Well, maybe. But when this knight pulls off his helmet, I bet he turns out to be an ogre.

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