Skanks and smut threaten IT

Let’s face it. Testosterone is the enemy of IT. From porn sites contaminated with malware to social networking tools that encourage juvenile misbehavior, guys who let their gonads do their thinking wreck havoc over the Internet and across corporate networks.

The latest evidence of the Y chromosome’s penchant for technological tumult is a report linking searches for info (read “naked pics”) on Hollywood hottie Jessica Biel. According to McAfee, the hardly disinterested purveyor of anti-virus software: “Fans searching for ‘Jessica Biel,’ ‘Jessica Biel downloads,’ ‘Jessica Biel wallpaper,’ ‘Jessica Biel screen savers,’ ‘Jessica Biel photos,’ and ‘Jessica Biel videos’ have a one-in-five chance of landing at a Web site that’s tested positive for online threats, such as spyware, adware, spam, phishing, viruses, and other malware.”

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Brady is hot, Obama is not Who else ranks among the top 5? Three other babes. According to McAfee: Inputting “Beyoncé ringtones” into a search engine yielded a dangerous Web site linking to a distributor of adware and spyware. Results for “Jennifer Aniston screensavers” contained nasty viruses, including one called the “FunLove virus,” and searching for “Jessica Simpson videos” can mislead unsuspecting surfers to sites with damaging downloads.

The only guy near the top of the list is the New England Patriots’ Tom Brady. Indeed, of 15 most dangerous celebrities to Google or Bing (see, I don’t hate Microsoft) searchers, only two — Brady (No. 4) and Brad Pitt (No. 10) — are male.

On the other hand, higher-minded searchers looking for info on the president and first lady are pretty safe. Barack and Michelle Obama ranked in the bottom third of this year’s results, at 34th and 39th, respectively.

OK, a lot of teen-aged girls undoubtedly check out stars online. But I’d bet my tickets to Tim Lincecum’s next outing that the overwhelming majority of searches for Biel, Aniston, and company are guys hoping to see their, well, you know.

Harder to hide It’s pretty obvious that lust, along with greed and stupidity, drives a major chunk of dangerous user behavior. And virus jockeys know that.

A quick glance at my own spam catcher’s mailbox yields offers from widows of dead Nigerian bankers, notices of purported lottery winnings, and offers for pills to make me bigger. Because I never click on that sort of stuff, I don’t know how much is a straight-ahead scam and how much is a malware snare.

In any event, if I’m messing with that stuff on someone else’s network, I’m a problem for IT — and should be dealt with. There’s some dispute about how to treat users who visit off-color sites, hit the gambling boards on company time, and so on. Some favor a stiff application of the knout; others counsel gentler measures.

Meanwhile, it’s becoming harder for creeps and cyberbullies to hide behind the cloak of anonymity that once shielded abusers. And that means more pressure on companies like Google (which holds on to IP addresses of searchers for months at a time) to give up the names of users, a pressure that could well extend to enterprises whose employees write vitriolic and potentially libelous posts on corporate equipment.

Case in point, the truly ridiculous story of the “New York skank,” which reached a climax of sorts when a federal court ruled that Google must turn over the name of an anonymous blogger who called aging supermodel Liskula Cohen a “skank,” a “ho,” and an “old hag” who “may have been hot 10 years ago.”

As my buddy Robert X. Cringley puts it: “The ripples emanating from the ruling could wash over every member of the blogosphere (including those who delight in anonymously depositing nasty comments on blogs — you know who you are).”

Cringe and others have talked about the First Amendment implications of the ruling, and bloggers everywhere should take note. What’s more, it raises the specter of serious liability for enterprises whose users are unmasked after engaging in that kind of cruel and sophomoric behavior.

IT, you’ve been warned.

I welcome your comments, tips, and suggestions. Reach me at bill.snyder@sbcglobal.net.