You’re hiring, and a friend needs a job — now what?

Dear Bob …

When I co-founded my company, this was not one of the aspects that I anticipated I would have trouble handling: We’re in a position to hire at least one person this year, probably more. After posting the position on the local tech group mailing lists, I have been approached by many co-workers from prior employers, some of whom I am still friends with.

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Unfortunately, many of these are people I would not even remotely consider for the position. In some cases, I know that they are only applying because they are desperate for a job — this would not be their first choice. In other cases, they simply don’t have the skills for the job. For a few, I don’t respect their abilities and/or workplace demeanor. All would be offended at any implication they don’t have the ability to do this job.

To be honest, I am not a very tactful person — I’ve always been a “say what you mean, don’t beat around the bush” kind of person, which has not always served me well. As our company grows, I need to temper this into a “say what you mean without hurting their feelings” kind of person style. Or in this case, maybe a way to not say that I really mean — and maintain our friendship.

Any advice for how to do this?

– Unhappily Hiring

Dear Hiring …

I don’t know of a tougher challenge than dealing professionally with people you consider friends but don’t consider to be excellent at what they do. It’s a trial whether they’re asking for references or a job. In the case of references, they’re asking to borrow your credibility. In the case of a job, they’re asking you to pay them more than they’ll generate in bottom-line value.

To an extent, it’s part of the Faustian bargain anyone makes to takes on a leadership role: The requirements of leadership don’t always allow the same niceties available to those who stay in staff-level roles.

Nonetheless, while being a nice guy isn’t an option that’s open to you, you don’t have to be a schmuck about it either.

One semi-cop-out approach you can take is to explain that you don’t hire friends (or don’t hire friends except when you’re 100 percent certain it’s a perfect fit) and why you don’t hire friends. The why is completely honest, too: You don’t because you value your friendships too much to risk damaging them with some of the decisions you might have to make as someone’s boss.

A second alternative is to explain to the individual that while you respect their abilities (a statement that might not be 100 percent accurate), you don’t see them as a fit for the position. If they push for specifics, duck the question: “I can’t really articulate it. I have an image in my mind of the kind of person I need in this particular role, and I don’t see you succeeding in it.”

Or you can be direct and professional: “I like you as a person. For the position I have open, I don’t see you as an ‘A’ player. Since every employee I hire is a bet I’m placing with my own money, I need to hire someone I’m certain is an ‘A’ player. I know this isn’t what you want to hear. It is how I have to make the decision.”

In a way, you have it easy. Compare your situation to what it would be if the same person were asking for a reference. You’d still have to turn them down. Your reason would sound much harsher, since you wouldn’t have any money on the line, only your credibility.

– Bob

This story, “You’re hiring, and a friend need a job — now what?,” was originally published at InfoWorld.com. Read more of Bob Lewis’s Advice Line blog on InfoWorld.com.