Dear Bob ... I just got out of a meeting and I'm beside myself. I'm responsible for an underfunded IT department -- there are just fifteen of us in a profitable company with 500 employees -- and once again, one of the executives here spent five minutes yelling at me in a meeting ... again ... because one of his projects is still waiting for us to get to it. Understand, this guy's organization spews Dear Bob …I just got out of a meeting and I’m beside myself. I’m responsible for an underfunded IT department — there are just fifteen of us in a profitable company with 500 employees — and once again, one of the executives here spent five minutes yelling at me in a meeting … again … because one of his projects is still waiting for us to get to it.Understand, this guy’s organization spews out requests by the dozen, but never show up for specification meetings and never commit to any business benefit, either. The company doesn’t have a prioritization process, because that would mean the executives would have to make hard decisions instead of blaming me. Blaming me is easier. In the meeting I waited for the executive in question to finish yelling, then responded, as calmly as I could, by explaining how we make decisions about priorities, how we don’t have the resources to take care of every requests we receive and so on. It didn’t do much good, but eventually the meeting ended and the agony subsided, at least temporarily.Oh, I suppose I should mention: I’m female and diminutive. I don’t make much of a fuss about my gender or stature, but I’ve noticed this guy doesn’t yell at any of my male counterparts.Did I handle this right in the meeting, or was there something else I should have done? – Taking it but not liking itDear Taking it …Did you handle it right in the meeting? Yes, I’d say so. Did you handle it right? Absolutely … not. The good news is that from your description you’ll have another opportunity in the not-too-distant future. What you should have done, and should do the next time this happens, is buttonhole the offending executive in the hallway immediately after the meeting finishes, and ask for a few minutes of his time for a private discussion. (If he says he’s too busy, isn’t interested or what-have-you, physically block his path if you have to and say, “We’re going to have this conversation and we’re going to have it now. Your choice is whether it’s here or in your office.”)Assuming it’s in his office, close the door, and in a calm voice say, “Don’t you ever even think about doing that again. If you can’t deal with an issue as a mature professional, don’t raise it. If you embarrass me in public again, I can assure you I can embarrass you far more than you can embarrass me. Is that clear?”If he says anything other than yes, say, “This isn’t a discussion. This is a fact. End of discussion.” And walk out. If this executive does start yelling in another meeting, stand up and interrupt him by saying, in a calm but cold voice, “When you’re ready to deal with this issue professionally, in a businesslike way, I’ll be happy to discuss it with you. I have no intention of engaging in a shouting match just because you’re pouting about something. I suggest we move on to the next agenda item because we aren’t going to resolve this one today.”If he keeps shouting, ignore him. If someone asks for you to respond, explain that you already have and it’s the only response you plan to provide, unless and until the issue is framed up in a businesslike way so you can respond in a businesslike way. If you continue to be pressured, by anyone up to and including the CEO, remain patient but firm: “Right now, all there is to deal with is a bunch of emotion. That’s pointless. If someone would care to explain, in a calm voice, what the issue is other than that someone being angry, we can discuss the issue.” You can’t lose control of the situation.Let as much commotion come out of this as you want. At some point, interrupt again and say, “Look, this is really very simple. We have 15 employees in IT. That means we can produce somewhere between 20 and 25 employees’ worth of work. If you want more work, let me hire more people. If you don’t want me to hire more people, decide what needs to get done and what doesn’t. If you don’t want to make the decision, don’t complain when I do. If you think you’ll get a different result by replacing me, that’s your privilege, but I don’t think you will. You can’t repeal the laws of physics and I can’t make computer programs magically appear just by snapping my fingers.” You’re dealing with at least one bully here, and when dealing with a bully you only have three choices: Push back hard, take it, or leave. Of them, I like option two the least.– Bob ——– Technology Industry