Dear Bob ... Not only am I getting "meeting'ed to death," I'm at a loss as to how to maintain some semblance of civility (both on the part of my staff as well as on my part). I'm a CIO in a mid-sized organization with five direct reports. My staff are a strong willed group who insist on arguing rather than reasoning. To make matters worse, they always succeed in dragging me into it. I've laid down ground rules r Dear Bob …Not only am I getting “meeting’ed to death,” I’m at a loss as to how to maintain some semblance of civility (both on the part of my staff as well as on my part).I’m a CIO in a mid-sized organization with five direct reports. My staff are a strong willed group who insist on arguing rather than reasoning. To make matters worse, they always succeed in dragging me into it. I’ve laid down ground rules regarding focusing on issues not personalities, but somehow the passion with which they address the issues brings out personal animosities as well as scoring debate points not germane to the then current topic (which changes rapidly thus ensuring that points are never completely explored). Any suggestions?– Unintentional combatantDear Combatant … First, an observation: You haven’t established any ground rules. All you’ve done is mentioned your preferences. If they were ground rules they’d be rules – which is to say there would be some consequence for breaking them.I’d suggest starting your next meeting with two definitions:Discussion – An exchange of views intended to discover a mutually acceptable resolution to an issue. Argument – An exchange of views intended to establish one winner and one or more losers, without having any useful outcome.Then establish this ground rule: No matter what the topic, when a participant in a discussion starts to argue, that participant is out of the discussion, and you’re the sole arbiter of what constitutes arguing.Enforce this, if necessary by asking the offender to leave the meeting. If that’s too draconian for you, try this: When a discussion degenerates into an argument, ask one of the arguers this question: “I’ve lost track. What problem are we trying to solve, exactly?” And when you get an answer, ask, “Okay, now help me understand how you’re proposing to solve it?”If that doesn’t get things on track, just call an end to the meeting. Tell everyone that it’s a waste of time, and both you and they have better things to do with your time than to spend it in pointless argument. Whatever decision needs to be made, make it yourself.It sounds like you’ve lost your authority with your direct reports. Never mind their arguing – you need to reestablish it. When you do, you’ll be in a better position to address their inability to solve problems together. The first step is to find alternatives to getting dragged into the fray. One of the rules of engagement is that those who are above the fray automatically establish higher rank than those who participate, whether or not they win.– Bob Technology Industry