Dear Bob ...Recently, (within the last 9 months) my boss's attitude towards me has changed, but I don't know why, and as more time passes she has become more verbally abusive to both myself, my staff, and other department members that report to her outside of IT. In an attempt to fix what was wrong - which appeared to be our 'mis-management' of projects (read we weren't doing it her way) - we instigated weekly m Dear Bob …Recently, (within the last 9 months) my boss’s attitude towards me has changed, but I don’t know why, and as more time passes she has become more verbally abusive to both myself, my staff, and other department members that report to her outside of IT. In an attempt to fix what was wrong – which appeared to be our ‘mis-management’ of projects (read we weren’t doing it her way) – we instigated weekly meetings with a stated agenda. Things haven’t gotten better, we adjusted the meeting agenda from status to crisis & design approval under her direction, only to be told “don’t take anything off the list” (when it was no longer crisis or approval), just keep bringing status.Let me say that I have always admired and respected my boss (or have previously…), an extremely intelligent lady who has an excellent business sense, is very knowledgeable about our corporation, with an IT background in programming, system support, management, and network engineering. I’ve discovered of late that the only way for all of us to survive, is to regroup down below at my department level, and present a united front to our weekly beatings er… meetings with the boss.[Note to readers: I’ve edited out much of what followed this, both for length and to preserve the writer’s anonymity. The deleted material was extensive, demonstrating the character, nature, and severity of the situation. For the purposes of Advice Line, what matters is that the boss, at least as described in the letter, micromanages, bullies, jumps levels, and is otherwise out of control. – Bob]How do I deal with this person who I used to have the best relationship with? I was the one who could listen to her and get what the objectives and issues were… when did I become the communications problem? One of the issues I have with all the ‘stuff’ that’s going on, is that I’ve been the Director for x years, and have been with this job for yy – if I was doing such a lousy job why is it just in the last 9 months it’s come out? I don’t “think” I’m that bad at what I do, my employees and co-workers aren’t giving me negative feedback, and my customers are as happy as any IT customer can be. I no longer feel I have any tools left in the toolbox to make things better, nor the ability to provide a solution she’ll approve – since most likely it’s not the solution worded the way she’d do it. If I hang in there because I like my job and feel I bring value here, and want to protect my employees – what’s really in it for me to keep getting abuse that makes me hate coming to work, and devalues everything I do, and goes around me to beat on the employees – what can I do to make this better? Especially since I can’t understand what the “real issue” is here. I don’t think it’s the ‘lousy’ job I’m doing, as we have stable systems, and deliver what the customers are looking for, and yes our biggest issue with rolling out is changing business practices and how we do our work.– Targeted for abuse Dear Target …Man – you’re in it, aren’t you?From your account, your boss’s behavior changed fairly dramatically in a short period of time. That suggests one of four possibilities to me: * A personal crisis – a sick child, parent with Alzheimer’s, failing marriage – that’s creating immense personal distress.* A medical condition (undiagnosed depression, bipolar disorder, brain tumor, etc. – not being a doctor I won’t explore the possibilities in any detail).* Substance abuse. * She’s getting hammered by her boss and the fecal matter is flowing downhill.Your options depend on the corporate culture, professionalism of Human Resources, and the extent to which you and your peers are able to present a united front without anyone caving in when the pressure is on. Assuming these three factors are present to your satisfaction, I’d suggest that you and your peers co-opt a future meeting and throw out the agenda. We’re talking about a mutiny.All of you should figure out who is likely to be your most effective spokesperson. Whoever it is will announce at the beginning of the meeting that everyone in the room is in agreement that your boss’s management style is the top priority for the meeting, has to be discussed, and has to change. If she refuses to accept the change in agenda, all of you should be prepared to walk out of the meeting. Assuming the meeting continues: Lay out how she used to manage, how her style has changed, the impact on each of you, the impact on the staff, and the impact on overall organizational effectiveness.Very important: Back up every point with documented specific events. Without them, the generalities will be – justifiably – treated like just so much griping.Then ask if this is happening because of new pressures on her, and let her know that if this is the case you’re all ready to support her … but only if she’s ready and willing to make this a team effort. Otherwise, make it clear that your next stop is Human Resources, to file a formal complaint about her abusive behavior.Visit with HR first, though, if you have confidence in someone there. This should also be as a group, presenting a united front. A good HR director will be very concerned about managers who exhibit a sudden behavior change that leads to serious disruption of a formerly effective area in the company. Involving HR first … discretely … has two benefits. First, you can get some help in how to manage the meeting so it leads to a positive result for you. And second, if it doesn’t work, HR will have heard your side of it in advance.Be prepared, in any case. You’re in for a bumpy ride, that could result in your being terminated. If you don’t trust your HR organization and don’t think you and your peers can force the kind of meeting I just described, then pack your bags and get out of Dodge. It’s a fundamentally unhealthy place for you to be.One other point, and it’s an important one: Many managers feel responsible for buffering their staff from this kind of boss, and experience guilt at the thought of abandoning them. It’s understandable … but in my mind, misguided, based on the metaphor of manager-as-parent.You’re managing adults, who are perfectly capable of making intelligent decisions on their own behalf. While you’re acting as their manager, you are responsible for providing this kind of buffering. You don’t, however, have an ethical obligation to stay in order to do so. – Bob Technology Industry