Outside the inner circle

Dear Bob …

I am working in an IT related field with SW and with people. We have a small team of less then 10 people and good communication skills are essential to do our job. Good “team spirit” is not a bad thing either, considering that we are just a small part of a huge organization of +10 000 employees globally, and we have to stand up for ourselves to keep our small group important and alive on a larger scale.

My problem is that recently I have started to notice that I am drifting away from my teammates for some reason. I don’t know how it happened that way, but suddenly I started to hear that they are having free time activities together and I was not invited. Furthermore, suddenly it looks also that another newer guy (who is included in those activities) has passed me in the promotion line, although I of course feel that I have been doing my job better than he has been doing his and, I have been here longer.

To put it in a nutshell, I suddenly noticed that I am not part of the inner circle in our small group anymore (if I ever was, but now even further from it), and it is not fun at all, since my boss seems to favor people in that “circle.” I understand that this is a though question to answer, without knowing more about our group dynamics and personalities, but I’ll ask anyway. Any advice on how to get back in to the popular gang?

– Outsider

Dear Outsider …

I have no great answer for this. I’m not even sure my answer will rate “good.” For whatever it’s worth:

Start by doing as much close observing as you can without it becoming creepy. One question you need to answer is whether inner-circlism is the result of perceived ability or interpersonal chemistry.

If what’s going on is that others on your team don’t trust your ability or judgment, start paying attention to how those who are most respected act in group settings and compare that to your own habits. You might, inadvertently, be sending out cues that suggest poorer performance than you are, in fact, delivering. The hard part will be recognizing which behavior patterns on your part aren’t working with this group of people. The not-quite-so-hard part will be avoiding them in the future.

If the problem is lack of trust, though, the best solution I know of is to ask for help. Most people, most of the time, are flattered at this and will provide it, so long as the request is sincere and doesn’t make you out to be a bowb. (“I’m trying to decide what to have for lunch – can you help?” makes you a bowb. “I’m working on some recommendations for our future server environment and I’m stuck on a point – can you give me ten minutes to talk it through?” makes you a professional.)

Be judicious in this – there’s a point where asking for help turns you into a pest. The point of the exercise is to act as an ice breaker, to re-establish the habit of interacting with you casually among your erstwhile teammates.

If, however, the problem is purely interpersonal chemistry, you’re probably best off resorting to professionalism. Recognize that you aren’t going to get the emotional satisfaction you’d prefer from work, and look for it elsewhere instead. Make sure all of your dealings with your colleagues are completely pleasant and professional and leave it at that.

There’s one more if, though: If the situation degrades further, so that instead of your merely feeling like you’re outside the inner circle you instead start to feel devalued and marginalized, it’s time to either have a heart-to-heart talk with your manager or find a different opportunity in a more congenial environment.

Oh, by the way – this is for your manager and not for you: An inner circle in a group of nine? What’s that about? In some organizations, nine would be an inner circle.

– Bob

Powered by ScribeFire.