How to handle illegal questions in a job interview

Dear Bob …

Your recent column regarding the Canadian woman who got pregnant while unexpectedly starting a new job search got me to wondering — what are you supposed to do if an employer asks you an illegal question when they’re interviewing you?

This happened to me once — the employer asked for my date of birth, including the year. I was so startled that I just answered without thinking. It probably didn’t have any impact on the hiring decision in that particular case, but that’s not the point, obviously. What should I have said? (Setting aside the question of whether I’d want to work for a company that did that, that is.)

Employment law is of increasing interest and concern to me, since I am disabled (Asperger Syndrome) and am going to be hitting “the big four-oh” in a few months, so any thoughts or suggestions you have would definitely be helpful. Thanks.

– Semi-disabled

Dear Semi …

“Why do you ask?” is one of the better responses. “I’m going to call my lawyer, just as soon as I get him out of jail,” is one of the worst.

With every illegal question you have to decide if refusing to answer is worth the effort. Think of every outright refusal as a confrontation, akin to invoking the 5th Amendment on the witness stand. It’s your right. That doesn’t make it an obligation.

If someone asks about kids, it might be a good sign — it might mean you’ve moved beyond total-stranger-and-unknown-risk to person-I’d-like-to-know-better. Feel free to answer.

Or, it might be a coded way to find out if you’re likely to work long hours without complaining. Decline to answer.

You have to decide what’s going on and whether answering builds rapport or harms your position. Just remember, your goal is to get an offer, not to enforce the rules.

One disadvantage to answering is that every illegal question you do answer takes the interview in an incrementally unprofessional direction. That isn’t a good idea because unless you’re looking for a job where schmoozing is a core competency, you have only a limited time to present your abilities in the best light possible, and to ask questions about the company and position. Your age and marital status don’t get you there.

That’s why I suggested replying with “Why do you ask?” It’s a gentle reminder that the question has nothing to do with what the job requires.

The problem is, you can only use it once. After that, you sound evasive. So you need more alternatives in your bag of tricks.

One is a quick wisecrack followed by a question of your own that’s back on track. “How old are you?” “Old enough to know better, but not old enough that I always remember I know better. Hey, when we were talking about data design a few minutes ago there’s a point I meant to make. Mind if we go back to it?”

For the exact date of birth question you can just misunderstand and provide only your birthday (“March 4th – what’s yours?”). Or, if it’s becoming persistent, “I’m a Pisces if that’s what you’re driving at, but I really don’t believe in astrology.” That forces the interviewer to repeat the question, and applies some pressure to explain why it matters.

If you run out of deflections, it’s time for direct diplomacy. Keep a smile on your face, focus on being relaxed and professional (especially the relaxed part) and say something like, “I’m not exactly sure how to handle this. We both know the rules, and a lot of what you’ve been asking me is out of bounds for job interviews. I’m pretty relaxed about this sort of thing, but I’d rather use this time to talk about what you need me to do and how I’d go about it.”

If that kills the deal, it probably wasn’t a deal worth having.

– Bob