Does gender matter?

Dear Bob …

I’m a female manager. I think I’m pretty good at what I do, and throughout my career I have produced tangible results that back this up.

My problem is, I’m not “one of the boys,” and don’t want to be one of the boys. Throughout my career, though, being one of the boys has been at least as important as my actual performance.

This is starting to get to me, to the point I’ve been reading some of the current research on male/female differences. I understand male and female brains are physiologically different, males and females really do look at the world differently and so on.

Between the research and my experience I’m starting to think it’s the reality of the workplace and not just bad luck on my part. I’m at the point where I don’t know if I should just drop out of the workforce altogether, look for jobs only in places where I’d be reporting to another female, or what.

I’m not sure if you can empathize with my situation, being a guy and all, but if you can and have any advice, I’d sure like to hear it.

– Gender-aware

Dear Aware …

Before giving you any advice, I first have to debunk the research you’ve been reading. It isn’t that it’s bad research. It’s simply irrelevant research.

To explain why, go back to Richard J. Herrnstein’s awful book, The Bell Curve. Let’s pretend that it actually meant something (it didn’t) — that Americans of sub-Saharan African ancestry really did have lower IQs than Americans of other ancestries, and that the difference really was genetic.

Would that have meant that when hiring your next network administrator that excluding African-Americans would make any sense?

Of course not. The Bell Curve reported (and misinterpreted) averages.

So does the research you’ve been reading. It’s certainly true that males and females aren’t the same (Isaac Asimov once pointed out that there’s a vas deferens between them). Knowing this provides no useful guidance about what the next person you deal with will be like, especially in a business situation.

In my career I’ve worked with male managers who were ruthless and entirely lacking in compassion. I’ve worked with female managers who were worse. I’ve also worked with both male and female managers who were empathic, supportive, encouraging and collaborative with everyone around them.

I haven’t seen much of a trend, except that, maybe, the guys were more likely to know and care who plays third base for the Mets.

This isn’t just a flip comment. There are plenty of people in this world who are more comfortable and relaxed with people who are, more or less, similar to themselves than with people who aren’t. People who share this trait are called normal human beings. The more you and I have in common, the easier it is to exchange ideas without the barriers imposed by experiences and hidden assumptions we don’t have in common.

To a certain extent, gender plays an inescapable role here. So does sexual orientation. How much of a role it plays depends on the individual.

In fact, everything that matters in this discussion depends on the individual.

What I’d advise is this: Pay attention to everything that’s been concerning you, only without attaching male and female categories to any of it. Decide on the characteristics you need in your next employer — of both the corporation, and the person you report to.

Then, as you look for your next opportunity, remember that you’re interviewing them just as much as they’re interviewing you. Ask the questions you need to ask to determine whether it’s the sort of place you want to work, and the sort of manager you want to work for.

The process isn’t perfectly reliable, any more than the process of interviewing job candidates is perfectly reliable. In both cases you learn how good an interviewer you’re dealing with, and hope that your interviewing technique means there’s a decent correlation between this and actual performance.

It isn’t perfectly reliable, but I think you’ll find it’s more reliable than relying on gender as a predictor.

– Bob