Dear Bob ...While -- as usual -- you make a fair number of good points (in "Diverse views," Keep the Joint Running, 5/19/2008), there's one big thing I think you're overlooking: not everyone wants to have a sense of belonging in whatever way, and I suspect (though I haven't really looked into it) that "loners" are more prevalent in IT than they are in many other fields.It's entirely possible that Howard "doesn't Dear Bob …While — as usual — you make a fair number of good points (in “Diverse views,” Keep the Joint Running, 5/19/2008), there’s one big thing I think you’re overlooking: not everyone wants to have a sense of belonging in whatever way, and I suspect (though I haven’t really looked into it) that “loners” are more prevalent in IT than they are in many other fields.It’s entirely possible that Howard “doesn’t talk much about himself” because he doesn’t want to, and if that’s the case, he may regard being asked about his personal life annoying or intrusive. Thus, the others in his group, in attempting to “include” him, may end up achieving the opposite effect of alienating him instead. Some people just want to be left alone, and when they’re not, they resent it. (I speak from experience, as I’m sure you’ve already figured out by now.)Requiring someone to fulfill his role as part of the team is one thing — it’s often part of the job, of course. And expecting people to be polite and civil is hardly unreasonable, either. But no one should be expected or required to spend any time at the office discussing the latest baseball scores or anything else that isn’t relevant to the job, and no one should be penalized — in any way — for not wishing to do so.– Loner Dear Loner …Put these facts together: (1) Some employees prefer to act as loners; (2) teams can only operate in an environment of trust; (3) managers have to decide how to rate employee performance, who to promote to more senior positions when they’ve demonstrated a readiness to do so, and who to promote to new opportunities when they come up.It’s a tough balancing act. If an employee prefers to be a loner, that’s fine. Then, it also has to be fine that this employee isn’t considered part of “the team” because he/she has opted out.Well, no, that isn’t okay. The employee has opted out of the social chitchat that helps establish trust, but not out of the business conversations that theoretically are all that matter, except that it never really works that way.Imagine you had to choose between two employees, promoting one of them to a supervisory position. One of them gets along with everyone else on the team; they all trust him and vice versa. The other is stand-offish. The rest of the team doesn’t distrust her. They just don’t really know her very well, and she rebuffs attempts at friendship.Their actual work is comparable in both quantity and quality.If I had to choose, the choice would be an easy one. Team work environments aren’t for everyone. They are, on the other hand, appropriate organizational solutions to a variety of business situations.Those who choose to opt out of team functioning do limit their career options. I agree that nobody should consider themselves forced to reveal anything about their personal situation if they don’t want to, either due to management pressure or peer pressure.If that’s the case, though, it’s up to the employee to figure out how to explain their preference in a way that doesn’t put off their colleagues. – Bob Technology Industry