A hostile work environment in a foreign country

Dear Bob …

I work as an English teacher in an Asian country.

I am a middle-aged American. At the workplace, all the teachers are male, except me. I many times hear sarcasm and bashings by different teachers … about my religion, age and Americans … and weight.

When I approached the manager about my concerns, he undermined my complaint and said the jokes were not directed at me. It was very hard to make him see my point of view where I stressed that it was a workplace, and one should respect and be sensitive to a workmate.

I am confused because in the States, anyone who hindered you from doing a good job, you reported to the manager, and you continued doing your job, and the manager took care of the problem.

I have a Western manager, and he joins in the jokes and snide comments. I also got it that it’s his organization, and complaining about his staff is not a good idea.

Please advise.

– Not sure what decade I’m in

Dear Unsure …

I’m hindered by my near-complete ignorance of customs, mores and employment law in the country you’re working in, so the advice I’m going to give you is admittedly pretty weak. Keep an eye on the comments that follow my blog postings. Often, commenters know about such things when I don’t.

Here are my thoughts: First, by our shared standards, you shouldn’t have to deal with what you’re dealing with. And yes, you aren’t mistaken – your manager really is a dink.

His dink-ness and our shared standards appear to be irrelevant, as does what you and I know of employment standards according to how we do things here in the U.S. Don’t even try to argue your case on how things ought to be. It won’t work, because according to the standards of those you’re dealing with, things are the way they ought to be.

So I think your first stop should be to a colleague (a native) whose good sense and discretion you trust, to ask if this sort of thing is common and accepted where you are. If the answer is yes, you head in one direction (you either decide to live with it, or find a different employer you hope is better). If the answer is no, consider escalating your complaints according to the HR policies and procedures established by your employer. (Also consider not doing so – even here in the U.S. there’s a personal cost to this.)

If you end up taking that route, repeat your mantra to yourself over and over: “Calm and professional. Calm and professional. Calm and professional.” That’s you, no matter what the provocation.

If you don’t have a colleague you trust, I think you’re left with the live-with-it/change-jobs branch. In a foreign culture I don’t think I’d have enough trust in HR’s discretion to consult anyone there.

If you do decide that living with it is the best alternative open to you, your best defense is really a person’s best defense in all circumstances: First and foremost, don’t let it get to you. It’s them, not you. So long as you remember that, keep your dignity and sense of humor at all times, and constantly keep in mind that this is where you get your paycheck and not your emotional gratification, you’ll be okay.

Your next line of defense is to get to know your co-workers well enough to stop being an object and start being a person. It’s tough under these circumstances, even in the U.S. It’s tougher in a foreign culture and language. It might not be possible. It is worth trying if you’re going to stay there anyway.

The next time someone ridicules your religion, you might consider asking, just as if what was said wasn’t ridicule, what their religion is like and how it compares. It might turn into an interesting discussion of comparative theology.

The worst case scenario is that you’re snubbed, which puts you no worse off than before.

– Bob