Answer key: You don’t know tech

Now that you know how you scored, you probably want to know why. Check out the answers below for the gory details. And be sure to return next week for another news quiz, ripped straight from the tech headlines.

Question 1: What’s Yahoo doing to stave off Microsoft?

10 points

d.All of the above

And anything else it can think of. Yahoo recently added a limited video capability to Flickr and is testing Google AdSense ads alongside its own ads on a small percentage of Yahoo searches. It’s also previewing a new ad platform it plans to roll out next year. Next, Jerry Yang will chain himself to the Yahoo billboard in San Francisco until Microsoft calls off the hounds.

Question 2: Who is Microsoft allegedly asking for help with the Yahoo deal?

10 points

b. News Corp.

According to The New York Times, the same News Corp. that looked like it might be coming to rescue Yahoo back in January is now looking to help carve up the damsel in distress. The alleged deal would combine Yahoo, Microsoft MSN, and MySpace — an unholy trinity if ever there was one. Of course, per the usual deal, 10 percent of all profits would go to Satan.

Question 3: What is Yahoo calling its days-late and $44 billion-short ad system?

10 points

a. AMP

The system, still months away from being rolled out, would make it easier for Yahoo’s publishing partners to sell targeted ads online. And no, AMP is not an acronym for Another Microsoft P——-t.

Question 4: Which online video does not have its eyes on the prize?

10 points

c. Laughing Baby

The International Academy of Digital Arts and Sciences (akaThe Webbys) failed to recognize the gurgling, paper-shredding rug rat (those heartless bastards), which won first prize in the “Adorable” category at the 2008 YouTube Awards. I forget — which one of these is the Internet’s version of the Oscars?

Question 5: What new cell phone service is NTT taking for a spin?

10 points

c. Send a fragrance to a friend

So far, the “smell phones” are in very early trials. As we understand it, when you send a fragrance to a friend’s phone, it communicates with a gizmo in their home that mixes scents from 16 base essences and then wafts it through the room. So if you think your cell phone service stinks now, just wait.

Question 6: Which private Wal-Mart videos aren’t so private any more?

10 points

d.All of the above

Flagler Productions, which claims full ownership of the tapes, is happily selling them to attorneys suing the retail behemoth for selling unsafe gas cans and promoting sexual discrimination. Of course, now some of them are on YouTube, so the rest of the world can enjoy watching Wal-Mart’s executive transvestites.

Question 7: How is Amazon making nice with customers who bought HD-DVD players?

10 points

c.A $50 credit toward future Amazon purchases

The online retailer is joining Best Buy and Wal-Mart in softening the blow for buyers who picked the losing side in the HD format wars. That’s still a few hundred dollars short of the actual purchase price. The good news? In 20 or 30 years, you’ll be able to sell it on eBay for beaucoup bucks.

Question 8: What was causing Microsoft’s endless reboot problem?

10 points

a. Windows Vista SP1

Bet you thought this was going to be another “all of the above” answer, didn’t you? According to the Microsoft Product Team blog, the problem occurred with a prerequisite file some users needed to install before they could install the actual SP1 update. Microsoft solved the problem by issuing a pre-prerequisite file that prevents the endless reboot cycle from reoccurring. Or you could simply avoid the whole mess by downgrading to XP. Your call.

Question 9: What does Warner Music want you to pay for song piracy, you scurvy dog?

10 points

b. $5 a month

Warner Music exec Jim Griffin predicted that such a tax would generate $20 billion a year in revenue, to be shared amongst the artists and the record companies (of course). After taking a considerable beating on the Net for floating that idea, Griffin backed off, saying the “tax” was just one idea Warner was considering. Cue the theme music: “Oh yeah I’m the tax man. And you’re working for no one but me.”

Question 10: What’s census computers times HP Mini-Notes plus Microsoft docs?

10 points

c. 36,360

The final cost for handsets ordered by the Census Bureau is slightly more than $8,600 apiece, or about six times more than their original spec. The HP Mini-Note weighs a svelte 2.6 pounds with the standard battery. Microsoft released 14,000 pages of documentation regarding protocols used in its Office 2007, SharePoint, and Exchange Server products. So 8,600 x 2.6 + 14,000 = 36,360. And that’s the name of that tune. Come back next week for another mind-bending quiz.

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