Answer key: You don’t know tech

Now that you know how you scored, you probably want to know why. Check out the answers below for the gory details. And be sure to return next week for another news quiz, ripped straight from the tech headlines.

Question 1: How many ways are there to Pwn Windows Vista?

10 points

c. 639

According to PC Tools, users on its ThreatFire community reported 639 vulnerabilities per 1,000 Vista machines, versus 478 for Windows 2003 Server, 586 for Windows 2000, and a whopping 1,021 for XP. I forget — why are we trying so hard to keep XP around?

Question 2: What legendary Neil thoroughly dissed the sound quality of CDs?

10 points

b. Neil Young

Young said it at Sun Microsystems’ JavaOne conference while unveiling his upcoming Blu-ray project — five volumes of 10 discs each, covering everything he’s ever done (in beautiful high-definition audio, natch). The record companies’ response: We hope Neil Young will remember — compact discs don’t need him around, anyhow.

Question 3: What’s Research in Motion calling its latest smartphone?

10 points

b. BlackBerry Bold

Bold, yes, but with just a hint of mint. The dingus features 3G speeds, GPS, Wi-Fi, yadda yadda yadda. And yes, you want one, unless of course you’re already locked into a two-year iPhone contract.

Question 4: What eatery is Google’s former top chef cooking up?

10 points

b. Calafia Cafe and Market a Go Go

Some three years in the making, the Calafia is scheduled to open its doors in Palo Alto this fall. No word yet how long he’ll keep the “beta” after the name.

Question 5: What is not considered a sign of the second coming of the Jesus phone?

10 points

d. Steve Jobs has sent his black turtleneck out to be steam cleaned

But that’s only because he never actually takes it off. Apple confirms its U.S. and U.K. online stores have run plumb out of low-end iPhones, Apple Insider has sighted the heretofore unknown “iPhone black” on AT&T’s site, and Jobs is slated to speak at the Apple WWDC (like that’s anything new). As for the rest, please consult your nearest Ouija Board.

Question 6: How many Americans are definitely not taking this quiz right now?

10 points

c. 1 in 5

According to Parks’ National Technology Scan, about 20 million U.S. households have never surfed the Web, looked up information online, or sent an e-mail. Over half of the No-Net crowd are over 65, never attended college, and/or spend most of their free time watching American Idol.

Question 7: What’s the first semantic search engine called?

10 points

a. Powerset

Instead of relying on dumb keywords, Powerset parses language intelligently — so, for example, it can tell the difference between “prince” (the title) and “Prince” (the artist formerly known as). The beta version currently works only for the Metaweb Freebase and Wikipedia, so while the searches may be more intelligent, the results may not be.

Question 8: How many shares of Yahoo has cranky Carl Icahn bought in the past week?

10 points

c. 50 million

According to The Wall Street Journal and CNBC, the infamous shareholder advocate has threatened to wage his own proxy fight to make the Yahoo-Microsoft deal happen. OK, fine. But will he stick around to clean up the mess?

Question 9: Where would a combined HP/EDS rank in the ultra-rich IT services market?

10 points

b. 2nd

With $39 billion in combined revenue, a two-headed HP/EDS beast would still lag far behind IBM’s $54 billion. But at least they won’t have to worry about Carl Icahn breathing down their necks.

Question 10: What’s spam fines divided by municipal Wi-Fi times Tony Soprano?

10 points

c. 351 million

Spamford and his partners in canned meat were fined $234 million for relentlessly spamming MySpace users, setting a new record. The closure of EarthLink’s Philadelphia Wi-Fi network leaves the struggling ISP with just two cities to unload, New Orleans and Anaheim. Episodes of top-shelf HBO shows like Deadwood and The Sopranos will be available for the new iTunes price of $2.99 apiece (but let’s just round it up to $3). So (234M / 2) x 3 = 351 million. You got a problem wid dat? Tune in next week for another whacked quiz.

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