Back to basics: 5 baffling tech support tales

What’s the most difficult part of helping users with tech problems? Maybe stifling the urge to laugh — or to get angry. Also, doing mental gymnastics to step back from our learning and experience and instead try to see the problem through their eyes. Sometimes, the challenge is in finding the right question that best illuminates the issue.

No matter what, it’s a test in patience. Just ask anyone who’s been there.

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Lose this key

I was working at a small computer repair shop when a customer came to us wanting the Delete key removed from his keyboard. Several of us were present, and we thought we’d heard wrong, so we asked him to repeat his request. No, we had heard correctly: He wanted his Delete key removed.

Very curious, we asked him why. His explanation was that he had hit the Delete key by mistake one day and wiped out his entire operating system. He said he spent hours reinstalling Windows, over and over again, because of that Delete key.

Deciding that discretion was the better part of valor, we didn’t ask him for specifics or explain at that point why we wouldn’t remove the Delete key. We simply said we’d see if we could figure out the problem.

We put the machine through a full diagnostic, removed a virus (Stealth B), and had him bring in all of his floppy discs for scanning and removal of the same. We then explained the problem to him, educated him on proper use of the Delete key (word processing and so on), and warned him against saving or removing files in any folder other than My Documents (or similar).

None of us mentioned removing the Delete key again. After our explanations, he didn’t ask for it, either.

Why can’t you see?

I was working at a call center and finishing up on one case when a manager came to me and placed my phone offline. He said he wanted me to step in on a call with an irate customer and take over for another tech who was having trouble.

I asked him and the other tech what was the problem, but they both shook their heads and said, “Ask the customer.” The other tech looked frazzled and was glad to turn the call over to me.

I patched into the other tech’s phone and introduced myself, then asked the customer about the issue. The customer was enraged and launched a long rant about how bad technology is and how we techs weren’t helpful and he didn’t know why he’d called us at all.

Finally, his tirade started to wind down, and I asked him again to identify the problem.

Shouting, he explained that his laser printer wasn’t printing the pages he was sending to it. He said it was “printing garbage.” Then he rattled some papers near the phone and yelled, “Look at this! See what it’s doing?!“

I paused briefly, then reminded him that I couldn’t see the papers over the phone, although I wished we were in an age when videophones were common because it would make life easier.

Surprisingly, after this reply he calmed down enough to stop talking — and stop rattling papers. I thought he’d hung up, but he described what he was seeing as “bubble wrap.” I thanked him for the explanation and said we’d send out a tech to replace the DC controller board on his printer, which should fix the problem. He said OK and hung up.

Still, I sure wish I had magical powers to see through a phone line.

Weight watchers

I had a customer come to me complaining about space issues on her laptop. She already had the largest drive available for that laptop and refused to use any kind of external storage device because it was too much trouble. That left file compression as the only alternative.

We explained to her how it worked and how quickly we could install it. She listened, nodded sagely at every turn, then asked if the extra storage space would weigh down her laptop. She had bought the laptop because it was so light, and she didn’t want to add weight to it.

Absolutely not, we said. It wouldn’t change the weight at all.

We maintained our professional demeanor during the conversation. But we gave in to laughter later.

Generation gap

Then there are times when you feel like you’re not part of the conversation at all.

One day a father-son duo called in with what seemed to be a simple problem with an easy fix. But whenever I asked them to do something, an argument would ensue between them as to what I meant.

For example, I requested they right-click on the My Computer icon. I heard the son tell the father to click “that thing there.” Then I heard the father reply, “No, he said my computer. That’s something he’s going to do on his computer. If he’d wanted me to do it, he would have said your computer!”

Yeah, that call took a while.

I guess the best way to deal with such conversations is to take it problem by problem, person by person, one minute at a time.

Volume control

Then you get the problems further complicated by extraneous circumstances.

A couple called me for help with a simple computer problem. They were very nice, though also very hard-of-hearing. We couldn’t communicate unless I shouted into my phone.

However, I was in a cubicle farm, and shouting would have been picked up by all of the phones around me. I ended up sitting under my desk with my headset mic cupped in one hand, hoping to be heard without being overheard.

Luckily, their computer problem was resolved quickly and I didn’t disturb the other calls too badly. Quick thinking applies to more than only tech troubleshooting.

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This story, “Back to basics: 5 baffling tech support tales,” was originally published at InfoWorld.com. Read more crazy-but-true stories in the anonymous Off the Record blog at InfoWorld.com. For the latest business technology news, follow InfoWorld.com on Twitter.