3 classic tales of help desk hilarity

I’ve been in IT for more than 28 years now and have stuck with it in spite of stressful moments that make you want to plunge into the career change that’s been on your mind.

But one of the things that keeps me going is to remember the funny situations that have happened — moments you wouldn’t find in another career. Here are three of my all-time favorites.

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Didn’t see that one coming

No matter if you’re a newbie or an “experienced” techie, it never hurts to remind ourselves — often — that there are those who don’t know as much about tech as we do. Step back, slow down, and be patient and courteous. Besides, we wouldn’t have a job if all users were tech-savvy.

Way back when, the turbo (turbo!) 286 units came out — ultracool. Our office acquired some of these machines, along with computer mice for the users. We showed them how to activate the turbo by pushing a button and when to do so, as well as how to work with the mouse.

Of course, not everyone “got” it, and we received a handful of calls from confused users. After a few quick instructions, most of them were back on track.

But one in particular was more confused than most. She called in, quite frustrated, to say that her “turbo wasn’t working.” She’d tried everything.

I asked her to explain what she was doing to activate the turbo. She replied, “Well, I put the pedal on the floor and stepped on it, and the computer didn’t go any faster!”

You can picture it, can’t you? She had placed the mouse on the floor as was using it like a gas pedal. It was hard to hold in our laughter at the scene.

Tech troubles go both ways

End-users aren’t the only ones who do silly things. As difficult as it can be to admit, we techies make dumb mistakes as well.

I wish I knew the backstory to a tech bulletin that Manufacturer X once sent out to repair shops. It stated that the proper technique to test the voltage on AC adapters for their laptops was to use a multimeter — and never, ever to stick the end plug to your tongue.

We got a good laugh over that one — and spent many hours wondering what prompted the memo. Did someone actually do such a thing? If so, how did the manufacturer found out? And did it happen at more than one site, thus forcing the company to issue a bulletin to all its clients? Unfortunately, we never found out, but our wild guesses kept us entertained.

Telling it like it is

Sometimes we slip up and say something we shouldn’t. When I’ve shared the following story, other techs have replied in camaraderie, “I always wanted to say that out loud!” Well, I did– and lived to tell the tale.

I was dispatched to a contract customer in a large legal firm who was having a problem with the floppy disk drive not reading. This unit was under warranty.

The employee’s bosses were in the room when I arrived, agitated about the drive not working. It took me only about 10 seconds to figure out what had happened. The user had put the 3.5-inch diskette in their pocket — forgetting that in that same shirt pocket was a wallet-size photo of their kid. When they pulled out the diskette, the picture got stuck in the shutter and inserted into the drive. Once the FDD opened the shutter, the picture fell out, blocking the bottom read/write head and preventing it from working.

I showed this to everyone on the room and made sure the drive worked fine when the picture was removed. Then I filled out a work ticket for them to sign.

They spent the next 20 minutes passing the ticket around, refusing to take responsibility for the service call, saying, “I’m not signing this … you sign it!” It reminded me of the Mikey/Life cereal commercials where three brothers pushed a bowl of cereal around, saying, “You try it.”

After about 20 minutes, I’d had enough. I told them, “The warranty covers defective equipment — not defective users.” They looked at me in surprise. But one of them signed the ticket.

By the time I got back to the office, they’d called my boss and complained. I was wet behind the ears at the time, so my boss must have taken pity on me — or been fed up by the customer. He explained that wasn’t the best response but stood by me. Then he said I didn’t even have to get them to sign in this case: We could have just sent them a bill for the service call.

“Great, thanks for telling me now!” I thought. No, I didn’t blurt that one out loud.

There’s a lot of humor in this job. Some days, that’s what keeps me going.

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This story, “3 classic tales of help desk hilarity,” was originally published at InfoWorld.com. Read more crazy-but-true stories in the anonymous Off the Record blog at InfoWorld.com. For the latest business technology news, follow InfoWorld.com on Twitter.