MotoGoo, Motoogle, or Googola — a big deal any way you slice it

And I thought August was going to be a slow news month. That just changed, thanks to Google and its blockbuster $12.5 billion acquisition of Motorola Mobility.

All I can say is wow. Game on for real this time, Apple. See ya later, RIM. Helloooo, Microsoft? Can you hear me down there? Don’t worry, we’ll send some pods down to rescue you … eventually.

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As for HTC, Samsung, and LG: Hey, you had some good times with Android, but you knew it was never meant to last. Right?

This is an epic day for more than just business reasons. Motorola is one of a handful of companies responsible for creating the industry that pays my mortgage, and I don’t mean blogging. And its history with cellphones is equally storied.

Until the iPhone came along, Motorola pretty much defined mobile phones, starting with the original DynaTAC in 1983, the first flip phone (the StarTac), and the first looks-so-cool-I-must-have-it fashion phone (the Razr). Then came the ill-fated Rokr and a long sojourn in the handset desert, followed by a recent comeback, thanks in large part to a a series of snazzy — and some not so snazzy — Android phones.

Sadly, I have one of the less snazzy ones: the Motorola Cliq, which is underpowered and overburdened with a godawful Blur “social interface” that does nothing but drain battery life and annoy me. I blame T-Mobile, not Motorola, for this monstrosity. Short of Google also buying a mobile carrier (like Sprint, which seems to be standing in the corner waiting for somebody to ask it to dance), I’m not sure GooMoto would be able to do anything to fix that.

More than mobile phones, though, this is really about tablets. Motorola Mobility makes the Xoom, the first tab to run Android 3.0 and still the worthiest contender to the iPad’s throne. Google wants to get into the PC 3.0 business in a big way and figures it might as well own the whole schmear.

The question is, can Google handle it? It says it will continue to run Motorola Mobility as a separate business, but I have my doubts on how long that will last. MotoMob’s HQ may remain in Illinois, but Mountain View will be calling the shots. And when it comes to selling mobile hardware, Google doesn’t exactly have a sterling track record. Anyone who remembers the Nexus One fiasco can certainly relate.

In fact, whenever Google strays too far from its comfort zone of search and email advertising, it tends to fall down and go boom. Can you name any business unit other than Search and Gmail that isn’t a loss leader for the G-folks?

And it didn’t do its friends any favors either with this deal. If Google’s enemies are hunkering down to figure out how to respond, its longtime mobile allies are surely reaching for the Maalox. Google promises Android will remain open and available to Samsung, HTC, LG, Sony Ericsson, and more. It even pried some extremely tepid praise from all four of those companies for the Moto deal — a grand total of 64 words from four execs, none of whom is famous for being terse — but it was along the lines of “we welcome our new alien overlords.”

I actually think this might help Microsoft more than Google, driving more handset manufacturers toward Windows Phone 7 or even Windows 8. What other choice do they have?

Of course, the other big question: Will Google, already under multiple investigations for its attempts to monopolize the world’s information, be able to slide this one by the FTC, the DOJ, and EU? Does this acquisition qualify Google as more evil or less? I can’t keep it straight any more.

What do you think — is MotoGoo a good thing or not? Weigh in below or email me: cringe@infoworld.com.

This article, “MotoGoo, Motoogle, or Googola — a big deal any way you slice it,” was originally published at InfoWorld.com. Follow the crazy twists and turns of the tech industry with Robert X. Cringely’s Notes from the Field blog, and subscribe to Cringely’s Notes from the Underground newsletter.