Ballmer’s folly: Businesses will love Windows 8 touchscreens

Maybe Steve Ballmer knows something no one else does. Or maybe he’s putting us on. But when Microsoft’s CEO said last week that enterprise IT is embracing Windows 8 because of “Touch! Touch! Touch!” you have to wonder if he’s simply delusional.

Ballmer made that claim during a speaking appearance before Silicon Valley’s Churchill Club, a public affairs group. Because I’ve been so critical of Ballmer lately, it seemed fair to hear what the man himself has to say. Frankly, I was hoping for evidence that I’m wrong. I’ve never been a Microsoft basher, and the software giant’s health is critical to the huge ecosystem of computer companies, developers, and component makers that surround it.

[ Bill Snyder says Ballmer’s bungled mobile bet will be the Microsoft CEO’s swan song. | InfoWorld reviews the Microsoft Surface RT tablet and Windows 8. | Subscribe to InfoWorld’s Consumerization of IT newsletter today. ]

I didn’t hear what I’d hoped. Touch? Really? Tablets with a touch interface certainly have a place in the enterprise, but when we’re talking about a PC, I find it impossible to believe that touch is something the enterprise needs or wants. In fact, survey after survey indicates that Windows 8 adoption in the enterprise is going to be very slow.

Windows 8 in the enterprise? Not so fast Indeed, according to Forrester analyst David Johnson, only 5 percent of firms have specific plans to migrate to Windows 8 in the next 12 months, versus 10 percent for Windows 7 in 2009.

One reason, of course, is the high overhead to retrain a workforce that has grown up with the familiar interface and Start button that debuted with Windows 95. You’d think that Ballmer would address that in an hour-long conversation or mention that many businesses are just now upgrading to Windows 7. He didn’t, at least not seriously. “Is there some adjustment because of user interface?” Ballmer asked rhetorically. “Yes,” he replied to himself.

That’s not to say there aren’t some enterprise goodies in Windows 8 — better security, for one — and (for the Enterprise Edition only) the ability to install from a bootable USB stick, a trick known as Windows to Go. But few businesses seem to think those additions amount to a compelling enough reason to upgrade.

Rather than outline a convincing case for a Microsoft resurgence in mobile — where the industry action and customer growth is — Ballmer made like Goldilocks, saying that Apple’s app store strategy is too controlled, Google’s is “a little bit wild,” and Microsoft’s will be just right. “That’s kind of the best of both worlds, and that’s available to us,” he said.

Sinofsky who? If nothing else, Ballmer is always entertaining. He’s one of those men who entered middle age rather early, then stopped looking much older. He doesn’t appear very different than he did 20 or so years ago when he’d slap a table and bellow “NT, NT, NT!” or when he did one of his his weird, sweat-soaked monkey boy dances chanting, “Developers! Developers! Developers!” He still fills a banquet room with energy, and he continues to punctuate his points with exuberant shouts and big grins.

There were nearly 800 people jammed into a ballroom at the Santa Clara, Calif., Marriott, and I’ll bet that most were expecting, or at least hoping, to get the skinny on why Windows chief Steven Sinofsky was shown the door just days before the event. They didn’t get it. All Ballmer had to offer was the obligatory kiss on the cheek: “He’s made one of the most amazing contributions anyone will make to any company. I wish him well. He’s always recommended if you make a change, you make it on a product boundary.”

Another bit of non-news was his offhand remark that the Surface Pro, the version of the Microsoft Surface tablet that runs on an Intel x86 processor instead of an ARM chip, will ship on schedule. Asked if Surface is a tablet or PC, Ballmer answered “yes.”

Actually, that last answer isn’t quite as annoying as it sounds out of context. Ballmer made a good (though hardly original) point, saying that the distinction between digital devices is blurring. “If it has a processor and memory and runs software, it is a computer to me.”

We love you, Acer — and we love carriers, too Will Microsoft ship a PC? “I don’t know what to call this,” Ballmer said, holding up a Surface. “We have shipped the Surface RT, we have announced a product called Surface Pro with an Intel chip. We are shipping these things. We are not shipping a clamshell. We think our OEMs [PC makers] do a very good job.” He also took care to praise Acer, a company whose feathers were seriously ruffled by Microsoft’s decision to build its own hardware. Pulling out a touchscreen laptop from Acer, he called it “a great piece of work. Our OEMs are doing great work.”

Although Microsoft is obviously very late to the smartphone market, Ballmer figures his company has a major opportunity because the carriers want a third alternative to Samsung and Apple. His initial goals in that market are modest. “Our challenge right now is not getting 60 percent of the smartphone market; our challenge is to get 10, then 15, and then 20 percent” via its third version of Windows Phone, Windows Phone 8.

I got stuck in traffic and missed the event’s chicken dinner, but I did get a bellyful of the World According to Ballmer — fun, but not the most nourishing meal I’ve had lately.

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This article, “Ballmer’s folly: Businesses will love Windows 8 touchscreens,” was originally published by InfoWorld.com. Read more of Bill Snyder’s Tech’s Bottom Line blog and follow the latest technology business developments at InfoWorld.com. For the latest business technology news, follow InfoWorld.com on Twitter.