How to find the right company culture

Dear Bob …

I just read “Struggling’s” letter to you and your advice (“How to beat the on-the-job blues“). My situation is just different enough that your answer doesn’t help me figure out what to do.

[ Also on InfoWorld: Your life outside of the office might be the key to improving your outlook in the office, as Bob suggests in “How to beat the on-the-job blues.” | Keep up on career advice with Bob Lewis’ Advice Line newsletter. ]

Here’s where it’s the same: I have a decent manager and work with decent people (not as in they aren’t indecent; as in they do their jobs pretty well — I have nothing to complain about). And it’s the same in that my guts churn every morning when I have to face going to the office.

Here’s where it’s different: What bothers me is the sense, every day, that I just don’t fit in. At lunch, various colleagues sit and talk with each other about whatever it is they talk about. Likewise around the coffeepot.

I’m not part of it, not because they exclude me but because … my topics fall flat with them and their topics don’t interest me.

The way I was brought up, I’m not an open book. I don’t talk about my family, the guy I’m dating and so on. While the conversations here aren’t at the level of “Grey’s Anatomy” (thank heavens!) they’re much more frank than I’m confortable with.

I wear what I consider to be business casual every day; my coworkers wear jeans. I’m more formal, I guess, maybe because I spent a few years in the Army (low-level commissioned officer) before joining the workforce. I’m pretty sure none of my coworkers have that experience.

I just don’t seem to fit in. It’s nobody’s fault, and that doesn’t help. I feel like I’m dying by inches.

Sorry to take you even further down the “Dear Abby” path, but I really could use your advice on this.

– Misfit

Dear Misfit …

Let’s start here: Most mergers and acquisitions fail, and one of the most frequently cited reasons is a severe cultural mismatch. The usual result: The acquiring company ends up selling of the acquired company, usually at a loss.

What does that have to do with you? One way of looking at employment is that you’re an independent company, selling the service called you, and when you’re hired, you’ve been acquired. OK, it’s a stretch, but not all that big of a stretch because what you’re dealing with is a cultural mismatch.

As you say, it isn’t anyone’s fault (and congratulations for avoiding that particular psychological trap).

Fault or not, learn something from this: When you look for your next job, do everything you can to figure out the culture you’ll be entering to determine whether it’s a better fit than the one you’re working in now.

The situation you’re in isn’t fixable, unless you look in the mirror and say to yourself, “I don’t really like me the way I am — I wish I was more informal, more interested in what People magazine has to say, and more open about my social life among people I don’t know very well.”

I can’t imagine why you’d feel that way, though, and changing yourself just to fit in is, I think, a very bad idea (one I wrote about a very long time ago). Once you forget who you are, you’re nobody in particular.

Here’s what you do: Start looking for another position in a different company. There’s no shame in that and no harm in it. While you’re interviewing, remember that you’re interviewing your perspective employer too — both parties have to like the deal. Of course, the main event is always your persuading the interviewer that you’re the right person to hire. Reserve some of your attention for assessing the interviewer’s style and demeanor, though. That’s the starting point for figuring out whether this will be a better fit or not.

Then, when it’s your turn to pose questions, ask this: “I want to make sure I’m a good fit for the work environment, not just the position and it’s responsibilities. Could you take a few minutes to describe the overall corporate culture and the style of the team I’d be joining?”

It’s a good question to ask, your interviewer ought to appreciate it, and the answer should help you figure out whether you’ll fit in or not. If, as is increasingly common, you’ll also be interviewed by your future coworkers, you’ll have an even better chance to ask that question.

My guess is that, especially given your military background, this will feel wrong — like you’re being disloyal, abandoning your post or some such metaphor. That isn’t the case. Employment isn’t equivalent to a military career, especially in the world of private enterprise, where altruism isn’t expected of anyone.

That isn’t how capitalism works: You’re supposed to look out for yourself first, because nobody else is going to do it for you. And life is far too short to spend more than a third of your life in a situation you hate.

– Bob

This story, “How to find the right company culture,” was originally published at InfoWorld.com. Read more of Bob Lewis’s Advice Line blog on InfoWorld.com.