This blog has been deemed unsuitable for adults and children

Remember television? Apparently it’s a thing people still watch when they aren’t surfing the Internet, if you can believe that.

In case you’ve forgotten, here’s a quick refresher. Television — or TV, as it is more commonly known — features video episodes ranging from 30 minutes to two hours, usually interspersed with much shorter 15- to 30-second episodes designed to give viewers opportunities to get snacks and visit the bathroom.

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There are essentially two kinds of TV show. One revolves around the love lives of men and women in their 20s who are pretending to be teenagers. In the other shows, someone has usually died and the characters that are left spend all their time poring over the DNA evidence and looking deeply troubled.

Before each episode, a brief rating — such as TV-Y (for all children) to TV-MA (mature audiences only) — flickers on screen. These are supposed to let parents know which programs their children are recording to watch later after the old folks have gone to bed.

According to a report in the New York Times (a website that occasionally appears in tangible physical form on something known as newsprint), those TV ratings are coming to the Web.

I for one think this is an excellent idea. But I also think the TV rating system of Y, Y7, PG, MA, and the like is just far too limited for the breadth and scope of the Webbernets. I believe all sites should be rated for both content and maturity, or lack thereof.

That’s why I’ve come up with a ratings system of my own, which I would be more than happy to share, royalty free, with whoever’s job it is to do these sorts of things. Here’s how I’d rate the Web, in alpha order (note that some sites may qualify for more than one).

AO (Apple Obsessed): This would include nearly all of the tech gadget blogs — as well as content aggregators like TechMeme and personal blogs like Daring Fireball — that twist themselves into knots every time someone in Cupertino passes gas or just thinks about it. If the blog is rated AO, you know that rumors of the iPhone 6, iPad 4, or Steve Jobs’ beautification are just around the bend.

BW (Badly Written): This would encompass about 98 percent of personal blogs and all content farms (eHow, Examiner.com, Demand Media, and so on) except for those that are rated SR (Simply Unreadable).

HP (Hopelessly Pathetic): The leading candidates for an HP rating are, in no particular order, AOL, Yahoo, and MySpace. Enough said.

LU (Largely Unoriginal): Apply this rating to websites that wait for other reporters to do the heavy lifting on an article, then leap in with their own lightly summarized versions of the same story and snatch away all that traffic. Though many many news sites could be considered for this rating, the clear standard bearer here is The Huffington Post. Alternatively, these sites could also be designated GW (Google Whores).

NN (Needlessly Narcissistic): This rating would encompass all social networking sites, including Facebook, Twitter, Google+ — pretty much any place where its users spend more time talking about what they are doing than actually doing it.

PT (Pointless Timewaster): Approximately 82 percent of the Web could fall into this bucket, including all viral video sites, Pinterest, and anything associated with Zynga.

SC (Scam Central): This would apply to sites where the primary purpose is to separate suckers from their money, either by pretending to be something they aren’t or by offering to sell something that doesn’t exist. Leading candidates for an SC rating: Craigslist, eBay.

SS (Stupidly Sarcastic): There are many blogs that could fall into this category, including the one you are reading right now. But at least you’d have fair warning.

What website ratings would you want to see? Post your acronyms below or ping me: cringe@infoworld.com.

This article, “This blog has been deemed unsuitable for adults and children,” was originally published at InfoWorld.com. Follow the crazy twists and turns of the tech industry with Robert X. Cringely’s Notes from the Field blog, and subscribe to Cringely’s Notes from the Underground newsletter.