6 reasons why Ecuador should grant asylum to Julian Assange

Julian Assange is many things, but one thing he refuses to be is forgotten. When the spotlight fades for more than a few days, the WikiLeaks founder seems compelled to do something to bring it back on him.

The albino Aussie went for a walkabout last week, leaving the brutal confines of his house arrest in the Eridge Park estate of Lord Abergavenny, a 3,000-acre parcel of green space dating back to William the Conqueror, and landing on the doorstep of the Ecuadorian embassy in London. (I hear he stopped by a Banana Republic store on his way.) He’s been in the embassy ever since, awaiting word on whether his request for political sanctuary will be granted. As I write this post he is still there.

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For the last two years Assange has been awaiting extradition to Sweden to stand trial on charges of face questions regarding alleged sexual assaults. Assange says he’s not afraid of the assault charges; he’s afraid of being kidnapped by U.S. operatives and put on trial for espionage relating to his release of some 250,000 secret U.S. diplomatic cables -– or worse. That extradition process is scheduled to start in a few days; hence the sudden flight.

Still, even his Swedish attorney Thomas Olsson says that was probably not the most brilliant move. “It makes him look like a suspect in the public’s eye,” Olsson says.

Memo to Mr. Olsson: It’s probably just a language thing, but to be clear, Assange is already a suspect. (House arrest — hello?) What you really mean is that it makes him look guilty. And it does.

Tristan Hopper at the U.K.’s National Post has composed an imaginary diary of Julian Assange’s thoughts as he waits for word inside the Ecuadorian embassy:

It may seem like a simple sex assault extradition, but I wouldn’t stand a chance of setting foot on Swedish soil before getting a ricin pellet in the neck. I know too much: The invisible helicopters, the chemtrails, the water fluoridation, the secret U.S. plan to suppress the water-powered car. …Thus, my only option was to don a disguise and set out in search of a country not yet seized by the forces of darkness.

I tried New Zealand, but discovered it was just a painting of a door on the side of the Australian embassy. And when I walked into the French embassy, they just pretended like they couldn’t speak English.

Hopper adds: “I’ve just realized that even if my asylum application is approved, this embassy is in the unfortunate condition of being completely surrounded by England.”

What does Julian Assange have to do with Ecuador, exactly? Not much. This request came about due to an appearance last month by Ecuadorian president Rafael Correa on Julian Assange’s TV talk, which Assange broadcasts from within the estate. One imagines how that dialogue must have gone:

Assange: “So mate, d’ya mind if I maybe pop on down to your country and stay for three or four decades?”

Correa: “Yes, we have many valuable exports and are the world’s largest producer of bananas.”

Assange’s only apparent reason for asking Correa is that Ecuador lacks an extradition treaty with the United States. But there are at least six good reasons why Ecuador should grant Assange’s request:

1. Politics Harboring Assange will really tick off the U.S. government, which is like catnip to the South American electoral masses -– assuming Correa bothers to hold any more elections. By comparison, he’ll make Venezuela’s socialist president Hugo Chavez look like Ashton Kutcher.

2. Journalism Granting asylum to Assange might warm up Correa’s relationships with the journalists in his country, whom he mostly relates to by suing them for libel or shutting them down.

3. Tourism Now that Lonesome George, the 350-year-old Galapagos Giant Tortoise, has passed on, Ecuador needs a new tourist attraction. Meet Lonesome Julian, the White Wonda From Down Unda.

4. Rebranding Ecuador could use a new motto. “We give aid and comfort to crusading-if-egomaniacal journalists” isn’t great, but it’s a lot better than the current one: “We are smack dab on the equator. No, seriously, check it out.”

5. Scholarship Having Assange in the country will surely help improve the Spanish edition of WikiLeaks, which has fewer than 900,000 articles, or roughly one-fifth the number in the English-language version. Oh, sorry, I was confusing it with Wikipedia. My bad.

6. Entertainment Assange is a shoo-in to win the next South American Idol competition. I hear he does a kickin’ rendition of “Girl From Ipanema.”

More seriously: I’ve written about WikiLeaks quite a bit over the last few years. I remember the first time I heard the name Julian Assange: It was attached to an email, which arrived a few days after one of my pieces, alerting me to a new disclosure. I thought, “Hey, look at that, WikiLeaks hired a PR guy.”

Not for one minute did I think that WikiLeaks was Assange, because that would mean making himself a target for every government agency and multinational corporation that took a disliking to the things WikiLeaks revealed. That, I thought, would be a really stupid thing to do.

Turns out it wasn’t stupid so much as egomaniacal. It seems clear that Julian Assange desperately wanted to be famous. Well, he got his wish. And that is why he’s now sleeping on a couch at the embassy and eating food out of the vending machines. Had he simply stuck to WikiLeaks’ mission without seeking the spotlight, he might still be a free man (though probably also a hunted one). Had he acted a bit more responsibly with the information he was given, he might have more support among his colleagues.

I would not be at all surprised if the sexual assault charges were a setup designed to snare Assange, a well-known trouser trout. Though I would be a little surprised if the United States plans to request Assange from the Swedish authorities so that he can stand trial here, because trying a journalist for espionage — even one who’s not a U.S. citizen — would not play well politically over here.

Still, I understand why he’s concerned about his future safety. But he has only himself to blame.

What’s your take on Assange? Moral crusader, raging egomaniac, or a bit of both? Share your thoughts below or email me: cringe@infoworld.com.

This article, “6 reasons why Ecuador should grant asylum to Julian Assange,” was originally published at InfoWorld.com. Follow the crazy twists and turns of the tech industry with Robert X. Cringely’s Notes from the Field blog, and subscribe to Cringely’s Notes from the Underground newsletter.