Windows “Mojave:” Another sign that Microsoft just doesn’t get it

It’s like that classic Folgers Coffee commercial: “We’ve secretly replaced their regular coffee with dark, sparkling Folgers crystals. Let’s see what happens.” Only instead of some food conglomerate sneaking around restaurants replacing coffee grounds, it’s Microsoft that’s pulling the big switcharoo.

The “marks?” Unsuspecting XP users who have supposedly dismissed Windows Vista, sight-unseen, because they heard somewhere — from a friend, on the Internet, in the mainstream media — that it sucks. These users are then allowed to try out what they are told is a “future” version of Windows (code named “Mojave”). In fact, what they are actually test driving is Windows Vista — apparently, these people live under a rock because that day-glo, semi-transparent Aero color scheme is usually a dead giveaway.

Regardless, these “duped” users inevitably give the Windows Mojave preview a thumbs up, at which point Microsoft does the whole big reveal scene (“we lied — it’s really Windows Vista!”) and the users walk away with a new, positive opinion of Microsoft’s latest and greatest. And, of course, Microsoft then trumpets these dubious “findings” as proof that Vista’s failure in the marketplace has more to do with customer perception (and a healthy dose of media bias) than any real problems with the OS.

But while the Mojave project may help Microsoft grab a few headlines (embarrassing folks by tricking them into contradicting themselves on camera always makes for good copy), it does nothing to address the very real flaws that are causing enterprise IT shops to turn away from Vista in droves.

A more apt cultural reference might be the less well-known Ally & Gargano parody of the aforementioned Folgers spot:

“We’re here in a famous restaurant outside Chicago, where we’ve secretly replaced the coffee with sand and ground-up clamshells. Let’s see what happens.”

Choking. Gagging. A muffled scream or two. These are the reactions from the “patrons” in this classic parody spot promoting the Regina Electrikbroom. And they seemingly mirror the sentiments of IT veterans, many of whom are similarly gagging at the thought of having to swallow the gritty Vista sludge being pushed down their throats by Microsoft. But the fine dining angle is only half the story.

The sad truth of the whole Mojave debacle is that it proves, once again, that Microsoft doesn’t care about the enterprise desktop anymore. Why? Because it’s too busy obsessing over its perception in the consumer market. And it doesn’t help that the Mac crowd continues to pour fuel on the fire. They’ve got the folks from Redmond so worked up over Apple’s continuous jabs — “Vista’s fat, slow, buggy, and JUST NOT COOL!” — that the “Microsofties” are now beginning to take it personally.

The result? What is arguably the world’s most important software company is now lashing out in all the wrong directions: At the media; at the competition; even at its own customers.

What Microsoft needs to do is cut the consumer-focused nonsense and apologize to IT for its myriad mistakes with Windows Vista. That, and promise to make things right again with Windows 7. Continuously beating the “Vista doesn’t suck” drum only serves to further alienate IT while reinforcing the company’s perceived indifference to our wants and needs.

Note to Microsoft: Windows will never be hip like the Mac. And, frankly, with a billion seats and the lion’s share of all desktop software worldwide, it doesn’t have to be. So why keep acting like a bunch of awkward geeks trying to hang with the cool kids in the high-school cafeteria? The Vista “teen angst” story is getting stale. Time to grow up and start acting like the world’s most important software company again.