Google Glass: Finally, a justifiable reason for a punch in the face

Ever since Sergey Brin declared that real men don’t use smartphones, but don dorky high-tech specs instead, it was clear Google was about to make a Glass of itself.

Last month Google released beta Google Glass units to a select group of tech journalists and other influential digerati. (No, I was not among them. That’s what I get for mooning the Google Street View van every time it passes by.)

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Not at all surprisingly, Robert Scoble was among the first out of the gate to sing the praises of the new $1,500 digital dingus, declaring “I will never live a day of my life from now on without it (or a competitor). It’s that significant.”

He also posted a photo of his larger-than-life self wearing Google Glass in the shower. Just writing that sentence made me throw up a little.

Memo to Robert Scoble: You are not Channing Tatum. Nobody, probably including members of your immediate family, wants to see you naked. Knock it off.

Profiles in dorkiness

Scoble isn’t the only extreme geek thrilled by Google’s latest experiment in ubertech. There’s a Tumblr photo blog called White Men Wearing Google Glass that’s worth a look, if you’ve already had your breakfast. It appears wispy facial hair is a key requirement, as well as staying as far away from sunlight as possible. My favorite pic is of big-time VC guys Marc Andreessen, Bill Maris, and John Doerr getting their geek on.

Memo to Andreessen: If someone ever decides to do a reboot of “Coneheads,” you’re a lock for the role of Beldar.

Jesus Christ, Silicon Valley — an anonymously penned, scathingly funny, most definitely NSFW blog — has a word for these guys: Glassholes. Or as he puts it, “embarrassing overcompensated retards who need something to flaunt while their Tesla is charging.”

Cracks in the surface

But the sheer dork appeal of Google Glass could doom it to the abandoned gadget shed of history alongside the Segway and Bluetooth earbuds, warns Wired’s Marcus Wohlsen:

Google Glass, like the Segway, is what happens when Silicon Valley spends too much time talking to itself. Maybe that’s even overstating the case: The rhetoric around Google Glass is what happens when important tech people spend a little too much time congratulating each other….

But making money on consumer technology requires that consumers embrace that technology. If Google Glass makes you look as cool as the guys in that Tumblr, that embrace is about as likely to happen as you hugging a Segway. Or Robert Scoble in the shower.

Not everyone is quite so enthralled as Scoble, Andreessen, and friends. The Atlantic Wire’s Rebecca Greenfield summarizes the shortcomings early adopters have reported, such as short battery life, awkward fit, and lack of security. The early models have already been hacked.

Then there are the privacy concerns inherent in a device that can record everything that happens in front of it, 24/7. If (ahem) “normal” people start wearing these things in large numbers, it will be like having a fleet of Google Street View vans following you around town.

Yes, you would be in public, where there is a lowered expectation of privacy. Yes, there are a gazillion security cameras already recording us in many public places. But that’s a trade-off we choose to make, assuming the footage will be used for the reason it was taken — to deter and/or identify potential criminals — and no other. With Google Glass, any old glasshole can record video of you picking your nose (or worse) and immediately upload it to the Web.

Hitting the Google Glass ceiling

Not surprisingly, there’s already a strong backlash against the technology. A group calling itself Stop the Cyborgs is selling T-shirts, stickers, and signs that declare Google Glass has been banned on the premises. (It’s not legally enforceable, but a statement nonetheless.)

Cyber law specialist Jonathan Ezor, director of the Touro Law Center Institute for Business, Law, and Technology, has proposed a “look-wrap” privacy policy T-shirt for Glass wearers.

This device sees and hears everything I see and hear, records it, and uploads it to Google. It also has GPS so it knows where I am, and where you are too. Other than this T-shirt, you get no notice or awareness of this recording. If I can see or hear you, you have no choice and do not get to consent. You are granted no access or participation in what information Google and I are collecting about you. The integrity and the security of the information is also out of your control; on the other hand, my integrity may be questionable, and my security at risk, because I am wearing Google Glass. You get no enforcement rights, and you only get redress if I change what I’m wearing and take off the Google Glass.

LOOK HERE TO AGREE

Scoble says the privacy concerns are overblown, and if you really wanted to spy on people, a smartphone is a better tool. There are so many flaws in his argument I don’t know where to start, so I’ll just say this: Scoble is a guy who likes to post naked pictures of himself on the Internet. Why would you listen to anything he says about privacy?

You can choose to use Facebook and Twitter — or not. You can choose to surf the Web freely or make an effort to cloak your activities online. You can opt in or out of a myriad of companies that want to sell your data.

Google Glass? Not your choice. It’s their choice. That’s an even bigger problem than sheer dorkiness.

Would you wear Google Glass? Why or why not? Post your thoughts below or email me: cringe@infoworld.com.

This article, “Google Glass: Finally, a justifiable reason for a punch in the face,” was originally published at InfoWorld.com. Follow the crazy twists and turns of the tech industry with Robert X. Cringely’s Notes from the Field blog, and subscribe to Cringely’s Notes from the Underground newsletter.